I don’t know how it happened, but it did. I didn’t know what to do at that moment. The day seemed to be normal, he didn’t show any signs that he will do such a thing.

  That night, I still remember it. The first time Hikaru ever tried to take his life.

  I opened the door to his room only to find Hikaru on his bed in a pool of his blood

  I slowly walked to his bed, maybe it isn’t a bed, maybe he cut himself on something, but why hide it from us? Our parents are home, they could have treated that wound.

  No, I need light to see, I walked to the light switch and flipped it on. To my horror Hikaru is on the bed with his throat sshed, he slit his own throat, I can hear him breathing, gasping for air, his sounds are faint but still audible.

  “Hikaru, why?”- I tried to stop the bleeding by putting my hands around his throat, trying to stop the bleeding without killing him.

  “MOM, DAD!!!!!!!!!!!”- I screamed as loud as I could, Hikaru’s parents came rushing into the room. How funny, I call them Mom and Dad, but they aren’t my real parents. I don’t know where my real parents went, but I just want to see them at least once.

  They looked at Hikaru, seeing the pool of blood in his room. Dad called the ambunce, it took them 5 minutes to arrive, we were lucky that there weren’t any emergencies that day.

  We are now at the hospital with Hikaru, we are waiting for 3 hours, the doctors are trying to save him to the best of their ability. I cried, a lot. I don’t know what I did wrong or where I failed. What did any of us do for Hikaru to do such a thing?

  “Hey, Hana, it’s going to be ok. We got him here in time”- Dad tried to comfort me.

  “What did we do wrong? Why did he do it? I don’t know. Why would he do something like this in the first pce?”- I can’t expin what happened, it’s too much for me right now.

  It’s funny that I remember this now, I back then wouldn’t understand Hikaru and his motives, but I now do understand him and his motives very well.

  Back to that day, after the procedure was successful I came to visit Hikaru, he was a mess, nothing but a bnk ste. He looked at me and his parents with bnk eyes, his face didn’t have an expression and his body was stiff. He looked like all of the emotion was drained from him.

  “Hana. How are you?”- He spoke in a lifeless and dry tone

  “I am ok. How are you?”- I won’t try to ask stupid questions. He is already in a bad state.

  “We were worried about you. Why did you do something like this?”- Hikaru looked at his parents, he tried moving his head away from them but couldn’t

  “You wouldn’t understand even if I told you. Mom, I don’t want to see any of you”- He closes his eyes not to see us.

  “Mom, it’s ok, let's give him some time”- I tried pleading to her. I don’t know if they are upset that Hikaru did what he did. But my thinking back then was different and can’t stress this enough. His parents acted as if they owned him, like he was some sort of property like he had some sort of duty to them.

  We are now in the waiting room, Hikaru’s mom and dad are speaking with a psychiatrist, they talked about Hikaru being hospitalized here, they had no choice but to hospitalize him after a suicide attempt, his parents agreed and signed for 1 month period, at the time I thought that this is all for his good but in the end when I heard the things that will happen there they left me speechless, but that’s a story for another time, let’s focus on the events of that day.

  We went home after that, it was te and I had school.

  But on that day I didn’t go to school, I was too worried about Hikaru to do anything that day.

  I visited him in the mental ward of the hospital that day, I didn’t sleep in like 16 hours. I was too tired to think straight that day, it was almost the weekend anyway, or that’s how I remember it.

  “Hikaru, it’s me, Hana”- They are holding him in a room, the room had a door handle but I don’t think he can hear me.

  I entered the room to see Hikaru crying on his bed.

  “I don’t want to see anyone”- He turned to look at me, gasping for air.

  “I just want to talk to you for a bit Hikaru”- I sat on his bed. I think I looked like a mess back then, I didn’t have the best fashion style.

  “What is it about?”- He looked at me with a face of desperation.

  “I don’t even know. I don’t even know. I guess I can here to see if you are ok.”- He looked back at me with empty eyes.

  “I am not ok. I don’t even know why my parents wanted me to be held here, they say it’s for my good but do nothing to help me”

  “What do they do to you? Did something bad happen?”- I didn’t know yet the horrors Hikaru had experienced at that time.

  “Well, they treat me like I am a puppet, everything I do or say is ignored by everyone here and I am not even let outside, they fear I might try to kill myself again”- He looks straight at me, as though I am responsible for all of this.

  “I don’t know what to say”

  It’s mostly a blur of what happened after. But all that I remember is arriving home crying, I didn’t go to school for 2 weeks at that time, I was finally convinced by my mother to go, but that didn’t help me much.