The Matriarch tried to stop me, tentacles flailing madly in defense, an icy rime spreading across the surface of her body, but there was no stopping me. Being entirely intangible, I phased right through the grasping limbs and the frozen shield protecting her vitals. The countdown timer on Neural Slipstream hit zero a moment later and I rematerialized inside the watery form of the monster. The pain hit me instantly. My Venomous Payload had turned the water into an acidic solution, which was now chewing into every inch of my skin.

  I definitely hadn’t thought this through all the way.

  I was in too deep to turn back now, but I still had a few cards to play. Venomous Payload Bolt was finally off cooldown, so I paired it with Echoed Aura and fired them up in Group Love Mode. I could only keep one aura active at a time, but I could swap effects on the fly—and right now, protection from poison felt a helluva lot more useful than shielding against psychic attacks. A ring of deep black and cancerous green enveloped me in mist as the spell took hold.

  Venomous Payload Bolt (Group Love Aura): Gain +15% resistance against all corrosive and poison-based damage.

  The pain dulled along the edges, though it didn’t vanish completely.

  I grit my teeth, held my breath, and attempted to block out the agony as I pulled free a curved, single-edged dagger from my tool belt—the Septic Shive. It was a powerful Artifact with a truly nasty passive ability called Progressive Toxic Shock Syndrome. I’d been on the receiving end of that particular Affliction once before and it was bad. Real, real bad. Like bled from your eyes, bad. It only had a 15% chance to activate on hit, but if I could get the effect to trigger, it would go a long way toward putting the Matriarch in the ground.

  I thrust the dagger forward and rammed it straight into the glimmering jewel at the center of the creature, even as the Matriarch fought to crush my body and drown me all at the same time. A small crack appeared along the surface of the gem and the mimic’s HP bar dropped by a hair.

  Not enough to make a significant difference, though.

  I was starting to have major doubts about this plan, but I needed this to work. I pressed my free hand against the node, which was the only solid thing inside her body, and triggered Hydro Fracking Blast at point blank range. The spell ripped through the core like hot butter and the creature let out an undulating screech as her HP took a sharp nosedive. Unfortunately, the attack backfired on me as well—in this case, quite literally, as my skin started to burn with renewed intensity.

  Hydro Fracking Blast was basically scolding hot liquid mixed with a burning gasoline-like substance that not even water could fully extinguish. Just like those poor Nebraska farmers who could literally set their tap water a blaze. Now, all of that burning water was spreading through the Matriarch elemental like wildfire—which wouldn’t have been all that bad, if not for the fact that I was stuck inside the creature.

  I really should’ve cast a few Dan Doppelgangers before bodily leaping into the torso of a monster. You live and you learn, I guess. Although that expression only really worked if I survived.

  I cut the spell off then went back to my original plan and promptly drove the Septic Shive home a second time and third time just for good measure while a delightful combination of acid and fire chewed through my skin. On the fourth strike, Progressive Toxic Shock Syndrome finally activated, and a thin thread of brown sludge leaked from the tip of the blade and into the core itself.

  You have afflicted Mature True-Transmorphic Mimic (Brood Matriarch) with Toxic Shock Syndrome!

  Stage 1: Extreme headaches, high fever, and mild disorientation.

  Stage 2: Countdown until onset of additional symptoms 02:57

  This time, at least, the affliction stayed within the core, which was a small blessing. I didn’t much like the idea of suffering from Toxic Shock Syndrome while also being covered in acid and on fire.

  The Matriarch began to shake and convulse, her limbs spasming madly as her watery form bubbled and the toxin began to spread.

  “Don’t worry, Dan!” Croc yelled, though its voice was muffled and distorted by the water. “I’ll save you.”

  I flapped my arms and craned my neck to look over one shoulder.

  I was just in time to see an enormous Stay Puft Marshmallow monstrosity, made entirely out of yellow sponge material, slam directly into the Matriarch’s side like a Mac truck. Croc wrapped gangly, oversized arms around the monster in the bear hug to end all bear hugs, then lifted it into the air with a guttural bellow. Croc’s HP bar appeared and started to drop as the mimic absorbed the venom filled Matriarch. The world tilted around me, and a heartbeat later, the Matriarch had lost so much mass it couldn’t even hold me anymore.

  I tumbled free and landed at the bottom of the now empty pool, completely drenched and gasping for air. Every inch of my body hurt, and I knew most of my skin had been badly burned. Nothing a Greater Healing Zima couldn’t cure, though. I pulled free a glass bottle from Spatial Storage and popped the cap with one thumb.

  Zima - Greater Healing Elixir

  Uncommon Elixir

  Type: One-Time Use

  Remember the deliciously refreshing taste of lightly carbonated Zima? Of course you do! Those were the good ol’ days, amiright? You’ll find the newest formula has all the same great flavor but will also regrow your spleen! Or your skin. Even missing limbs if you get ’em reattached quickly enough. Huzzah!

  Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

  So, kick back a cold one on us, and give your insides a new stab at life!

  I chugged the entire thing in one long pull, savoring both the refreshing taste and the tremendous relief that rolled through me as the elixir went to work, regrowing my skin and mending my wounds. By the time I tossed the bottle away, the Matriarch was gone, and only a giant tottering Croc remained.

  The spongy mimic now looked like an overfilled yellow water balloon.

  “Sorry, Dan,” Croc said, “I couldn’t figure out how to turn into an elemental, but I thought this might work to hold her.” Croc faltered, its inhuman face blanching as though it might hurl. “Uh oh. Something’s happening. I don’t feel so good. I… I think I’m going to be sic—”

  Before Croc could finish the words, the mimic opened its mouth wide and projectile vomited a veritable river of blue-green limbs, tentacles, mouth orifices, and countless eye stalks.

  After a full five seconds, the cascading stream of eldritch body parts finally stopped, and the Matriarch lay in a pile at Croc’s feet. She was alive, though barely. The creature tried to rise, her form shimmering briefly as she attempted to revert to her former, watery shape. But something flickered, flashed, and finally died inside her chest. I’d damaged her Mimicore Node beyond repair and now she couldn’t shift at all. The gelatinous form before me was the brood mother in her true shape, and now she was vulnerable.

  A dozen eyes locked on me and, for a second, I wondered if she felt fear.

  Then I glanced at the hanging cocoons containing Fenrir and the rest of the missing Howlers and I realized I didn’t care. I raised one hand and activated Hydro Fracking Blast—blasting a hole straight through the creature’s malformed head. The light in its eyes flickered then disappeared as the monster died and Experience points rolled in, along with several new notifications.

  [Level Up! x 1]

  Research Achievement Unlocked!

  Waterboarding 2.0

  I think we can all agree, there were better ways to handle that. You could have frozen it, evaporated it, maybe even trapped it in a bucket—literally any other option would have made more sense. But no. Not you. Not the infamous Discount Dan. You saw a giant, sentient mass of water and thought, “Yeah, let’s go ahead and waterboard myself by diving straight into its squishy, sloshy guts and hacking at it from the inside.” Yet with approximately zero sense of self-preservation and unrivaled smooth-brained instinct, you managed to kill this thing. You may not be smart, but holy hell, you are tough.

  Reward: 500 Experience Points, 5 Copper Delver Loot Tokens, 1 Silver Scuba Loot Token

  The new achievement didn’t come with a Title, which was disappointing, but the extra experience points were nice, and I’d never seen a Scuba Loot Token before.

  “Sorry that took so long,” Croc offered apologetically as I waved away the notices. The dog had shrunk down into its blue dog shape, and currently had its tail tucked beneath its legs. “I tried everything I could think of, Dan. Honest, I did. But there must still be something wrong with me because I just couldn’t get my body to cooperate.”

  “Hey, you did great, bud,” I replied, patting the dog on the head. “You saved my life. I’m pretty sure that thing would’ve drown me if not for you.”

  “You mean it, Dan?” Croc asked, peaking up at me with one oversized googly eye. “You really think I did okay, even though I couldn’t turn into a really cool lightning elemental or something?”

  “Sponge elemental is pretty good, too,” I said with a tired smile. “Plus, I don’t think it’s entirely your fault—it’s my fault for not having realistic expectations. The Research entry mentioned that she’s a Mature True-Transmorphic Mimic, and that they often specialize. I’m guessing when you evolve again, you might get a similar option.”

  “Wait, I’ll have to specialize when I evolve?” Croc asked, sounding uncertain.

  “I mean, I’m not sure,” I answered honestly, “but maybe?”

  “Oh fiddlesticks,” Croc replied, now pacing back and forth. “That’s a lot of pressure, Dan. I don’t know how I feel about that. What if I pick wrong and chose to specialize in something dumb, like Froyo? Or sponges? Or maybe I’ll pick something that seems cool like water mimic, but then it’ll be useless on the lower floors.” The dog paused and shook its head. “So much responsibility.”

  “Don’t worry,” I said, trying to be as reassuring as I could, “I’m sure when the time comes, you’ll know exactly what specialization to take. In the meantime, let’s go cut those guys down and see if we can help them.”

  “You got it, Dan,” the mimic said, now waggling its tail happily.

  With a silent command, I sent Drumbo and Synthia over to the far side of the room to help, while I turned my attention to what was left of the Mimic Matriarch. She was in bad shape and there wouldn’t be much worth salvaging—at least in terms of body parts. Her Spatial Core was still intact, however, which meant Relics.

  She had two Relic Shards—an Uncommon and a Rare—plus three Relics, which were all great finds. The first was an Uncommon, upgraded version of the Basic Camo Kit, fittingly called Background Scenery, which allowed the user to hide in plain sight by becoming part of the background scenery for the duration of the spell effect. Those with a Perception score higher than the caster had a significantly increased chance of seeing through the spell’s stealth effects, but it was still a solid find—even if it wasn’t much use to me.

  The second Relic, Breeder, was a Rare-grade passive that caused aggressive cysts to form beneath the user’s skin. Sleeping, bleeding, or even moving too much caused those cysts to rupture, spilling out horrifying, Level 2 “mimic larvae” that all served at the pleasure of their “mother.” Clearly, it was an ability that was meant for a Mimic Matriarch and not for a human, though it actually had some potential if once you got past the gestating cyst thing.

  Croc had a similar ability, Charnel Feeder, which allowed the mimic to conjure an aggressively disgusting red slug, called a Flesh Maw, which could burrow into flesh with its enormous mandibles before finally exploding like an IED made of chitin and bug parts. Exceptionally gross, though Croc loved its little slug and had even given it a name. Remy, short for Renesmee—Edward and Bella’s truly cursed half-human, half-vampire child in the Twilight series.

  The last Relic, though only Uncommon, was the best of the bunch.

  Fluid Dynamics

  Uncommon Relic – Level 1

  Range: 25 Meters

  Cost: 5 Mana

  Duration: 30 Seconds

  Cooldown: 2 Minutes

  Covering seventy percent of the Earth’s surface, water is, arguably, nature’s most majestic and awe-inspiring element—capable of carving through mountains, sustaining life, or mopping the floors. And thanks to the fine folks at VRD, Fluid Dynamics allows you to summon and shape that water, bending it to your will like some off-brand Moses! Redirect flows, deflect incoming attacks, create floating water orbs, generate tendrils of liquid, part a shallow pond, or water your garden. You can do it all… So long as “it all” doesn’t exceed the volume of a large bathtub.

  This Relic enables Mana usage.

  Obviously, the skill had no direct offensive capabilities—though, I was sure I could find a way around that—but it had a ton of utility potential. And if I could find the right Relic to forge it with, I was sure it could be a powerhouse. Maybe it could even give Croc some insight into how to specialize later on.

  I tucked all three Relics away in storage, then headed over to help with the missing Delvers. I didn’t have high hopes, but this was why we were here. I’d made a mistake and, for better or worse, I needed to see the consequences for myself.