Fifty-Three – How Things End

  The titan still towered over me, easily twice my size—I barely reached its stomach—but the sudden arrival of a second kaiju made the monster hesitate.

  I took full advantage of that opportunity and thrust my gauntleted hand forward, casting Hydro Fracking Blast. Instead of launching a finger-thick jet of water, a geyser exploded outward from my palm and smashed into the titan’s deformed head. The spell carved off a nasty chunk of the titan’s remaining HP—which meant it was dealing far more damage than it had any right to—but unfortunately, the spell also burned through my already dwindling Mana Pool in a matter of seconds.

  The beam of water guttered and died after only a few seconds, but the attack had managed to temporarily knock the titan off-balance.

  I darted in low, sweeping my screaming buzz saw toward one of the titan’s legs. The monster tried to backpedal at the sudden onslaught, but it wasn’t quick enough, and the blade opened a huge gash across the HOA’s thigh. Sludgy gore spurted out in an arc and splattered across the cornfield. The monster howled as I reversed the motion of my arm and brought the blade slicing mercilessly across the leg again, this time shearing off a huge piece of meat that slammed into the ground with a wet thump.

  One of the Kannibal Kids—currently scampering along the HOA’s bloated abdomen—turned toward me in obvious agitation, then leaped with a screech before I could get out of range.

  Although I wasn’t nearly as large or formidable as the HOA, I was still a helluva lot bigger than little Timmy, even if he was eight feet tall and had deer antlers. I could’ve snatched the incoming bastard from the air with a strand of telekinetic power, but instead, I opted to do it the ol’ fashioned way. I caught the Kannibal Kid in my enormous metal gauntlet, my oversized fingers easily wrapping around the feral Dweller’s emaciated torso.

  The Kannibal Kid bit and clawed at the glove, but his attacks weren’t powerful enough to penetrate the metal.

  “Get wrecked, dick noodle,” I growled, squeezing my gauntlet down like a vice.

  The monstrous child let out another squeal, this one a mixture of fear and pain, as I crushed his torso like a beer can. Bones cracked like breaking wood and the monster vomited blood before his HP bar hit zero and the life fled from his demonic red demon eyes. Even in the heat of battle, I knew the Kannibal Kid had real potential as a Horror, so I instantly transported the corpse to my spatial storage before it could go to waste.

  Another one of the Moon Cursed children leapt toward me, but my Mana had recovered enough to activate Hydro Fracking Blast for a second time. I cut the monster down in midair, severing the creature in two with the force of the water beam. Its body cartwheeled through the air like a rag doll and disappeared into the swaying stalks.

  Damn, if I couldn’t get used to this kind of raw fuck-you power.

  Unfortunately, the momentary distraction had given the HOA enough time to get its bearings, and it was now barreling toward me with renewed fury. It opened its maw and spit a trio of the pasty-white Zoning Leukocytes straight at me. A pop-up appeared, though I didn’t have time to read it.

  Dweller 0.24325D – Zoning Leukocytes (Blighted) [Level 25]

  If the HOA is the unkillable, bureaucratic nightmare of suburban oppression, then the Zoning Leukocytes are its self-regulating immune system—sentient enforcement drones that patrol its sprawling, eldritch flesh, ensuring that everything stays perfectly in order.

  These pasty-white horrors are living cellular enforcers, pulsing masses of semi-liquid flesh that move with unnatural speed, squeezing through impossible spaces like a gelatinous fever dream. They slither, stretch, and fold into unsettling shapes, maintaining the rigid neighborhood laws dictated by their monstrous master. And if you don’t conform to the approved guidelines? You’re about to be rezoned into raw material.

  I backhanded the first, sending it careening ass over end, and cut down the second with a brutally effective swipe from my roaring buzz saw. The Leukocyte toppled, dead before it ever hit the ground. The third, I plucked from the air using Psychic Sovereignty. Then, with a thought, I fast-balled the writhing son of a bitch right into the HOA’s massive eyeball. The creature splattered on contact and the HOA staggered back, shaking its head in a fruitless attempt to clear its vision.

  “Gonna have to do better than that!” I taunted, before bolting in again, lashing out once more with my saw. The HOA didn’t even see me coming, and my saw sank deep, chewing through meat until it hit something solid underneath and jammed with a metallic shriek. Oh shit. With a grunt and a heave, I tried to yank the blade free, but it was well and truly stuck.

  “THIS IS NOT HOW THINGS END!” the creature bellowed, incensed, before launching its other leg upward and directly into my face.

  There wasn’t anything I could do but eat the blow.

  An enormous knee slammed into my jaw, sending me staggering backward and finally dislodging the saw. I barely managed to stay on my feet, though it was a close call. As I drunkenly fought to regain my balance, the HOA opened its massive maw and unleashed a searing column of fire. The inferno didn’t have much range, but it felt hotter than the surface of the sun. As the flames licked across the metal panels salvaged from the ice cream truck, they began to sag and melt as my health dropped.

  I dove to the side, my mech surprisingly nimble for its size, rolled to my feet, and immediately charged back into the fight. I didn’t have long before the potion of YOLO lapsed, and I needed to bury this monster before that happened.

  I pulled back my right arm then threw the haymaker to end all haymakers, the blow aimed right at the HOA’s groin. Although I wasn’t exactly up to snuff on the anatomy of a house kaiju, I was pretty sure no one liked getting punched in the dick. Especially since the Gauntlet of Fist-Shaped Problems increased all melee damage by 250%. My fist connected with the crunch of metal hitting concrete and the HOA howled in pain, more of its HP draining away. I also mashed one of the Kannibal Kids in the process, flattening the monster and leaving a smear of guts and gore behind.

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  Whoopsie.

  The kaiju retreated, smoke and embers leaking from its gaping maw. Its movements were erratic, and for the first time, I could see fear in its enormous eye. Its health was below fifteen percent, and between me and the remaining Kannibal Kids slowly ripping it apart, it didn’t have long for this world.

  And we both knew it.

  If the titan had any hope of survival, it needed to end things fast, but I wasn’t going to give it that chance. Activating Psychic Sovereignty, I pulled free several Mana Regen spell cards and triggered all of them at once, bringing my Mana reserves nearly back to full. A second later I used StainSlayer Maelstrom, figuring this gigantic shitheel would be especially susceptible to the attack since it was made almost entirely from organic material.

  A rush of Mana rolled out from my core, and churning storm clouds formed above the titan before unleashing a torrential downpour of super bleach that left smoking pockmarks across the surface of the creature’s malformed body. And now that I didn’t have to worry about the spell dealing splash damage to me, I had no fears about getting a little wet. With a feral roar, I launched myself forward, raising the buzz saw for a devastating overhead strike.

  The blade shrieked as I brought it down, aiming for the jagged mess where the titan’s shoulder connected to its arm.

  The saw slammed home, sparks flying as it ripped through layers of warped wood, twisted metal, and thick muscle. The HOA retaliated, swinging its other arm in a wide arc to dislodge me. I twisted at the waist, ducking beneath the sloppy blow, and drove my gauntlet into its exposed side. The impact cracked something structural, and the kaiju’s form sagged, one of its oversized arms dropping uselessly to its side.

  Before the kaiju could fully recover, I summoned my rip claw hammer with a thread of telekinesis and pumped more and more Mana into the tool-turned-weapon. Thanks to the Bigger They Are ability, the hammer began to burn with blue light and grew large enough to fill my oversized hand. Instead of looking like the tool of a simple contractor, it now resembled a God-killer weapon ripped straight from the pages of a comic book.

  I planted my feet and swung the hammer, putting the full weight of my body behind the blow as I drove its blunt face directly into the kaiju’s ribs. I activated Gavel of Get Fucked, which dealt additional damage equal to 20% of my opponent’s existing Health Pool. Since the HOA was now below 10% total health, I prayed that Killing Blow would also trigger.

  No such luck. A notice flashed in the corner of my vision.

  Due to level discrepancy, the Home Overlord Association has resisted Killing Blow!

  I grunted, not totally surprised though a little disappointed all the same. Still, the blow landed with a thundercrack of snapping bone, and the HOA’s health dropped by another few percentage points.

  I was close now, so close I could practically taste victory.

  “Well, this has been shockingly awful,” I said, my voice coming out as a gravelly boom, “and I can’t wait to gut you then leave this entire floor behind forever. Zero out of five stars, would not visit again. In short, go eat a whole bag full of dicks.”

  I raised my hammer to finish the kaiju off for good—

  The titan surged forward, moving faster than seemed possible for a creature of its sheer size and bulk. It slammed a foot directly into my chest, knocking the wind from my lungs, then rose to its full height and brought its massive arms crashing down on me like a pair of sledgehammers.

  Well shit. Apparently, I hadn’t damaged its arm quite as badly as I’d assumed.

  The impact from the blow sent white stars dancing across my eyes and drove me to the ground, my knees buckling under the sheer force of the blow.

  Before I could retaliate, the HOA reached forward and latched onto my suit with its grotesque hands, then lifted me into the air with uncanny ease and impossible strength. My mech groaned under the strain and I felt the mech’s inhuman framework threatening to come apart at the seams. I screamed, and the sound came out as a garbled bellow of pure agony. The titan was attempting to rip me in two and it wasn’t doing a half bad job.

  When it became obvious, however, that it wasn’t quite strong enough to accomplish the feat through brute force alone, it threw its head back, unhinged its jaw like a giant python, and pulled me into its mouth. I was far too big to swallow whole, but then the HOA wasn’t trying to eat me. It was trying to eviscerate me. Jagged teeth pierced the armored exoskeleton and punched into my guts. I screamed again as my HP bled away an inch at a time. With my health already below forty percent, I knew I couldn’t withstand this level of punishment for much longer.

  The pressure on my stomach and torso increased, the exoskeleton cracking, and black stole in along the edges of my vision. Ed had been right. This had, indeed, been a stupid idea. And now I was going to die for my hubris—

  But then, just as the thought crossed my mind, the pressure began to ease.

  What the hell? I thought, still reeling from the pain.

  Somewhere within my mech, a radio squawked to life.

  “Dan, this is Jakob, over,” the radio called. “The disruptor…” The signal faltered and broke for a moment. “The sequence… finished running—”

  Before I could respond, a shock wave rippled through the kaiju, and its entire body violently convulsed. The EMP embedded deep within its chest detonated, sending out a pulse of energy that lit up the night sky. The HOA kaiju’s grip slackened, and I tumbled free from its jaws, falling to the ground in a heap.

  “No… This… This can’t be it. This can’t be the way it ends,” the titan groaned, its massive frame swaying like a skyscraper about to topple. Billy Idol had finally stopped singing, the music gone, and now an eerie silence lay thick over the fields.

  Over the entirety of the twenty-fourth floor.

  “You’re right, it’s not,” I said, gaining my feet with a groan. “This is the way it ends.”

  I revved the buzz saw one last time, then leapt into the air and drove the spinning blade downward directly into the creature’s skull, carving through the center of its enormous eye. Black ichor sprayed out in a halo as the kaiju’s HP finally hit zero.

  Even dead, it swayed upright for a long moment.

  Then I yanked my blade free, raised one foot, and kicked the corpse over. The enormous body hit the ground with a clap of thunder, and a huge cloud of dust mushroomed up into the air.

  [Level Up! x 6]

  Research Achievement Unlocked!...

  I didn’t even have time to read through the achievement before the YOLO timer flashed red, giving me a ten-second countdown. Already, I felt weak and lightheaded, the world wobbling uncertainly beneath my feet.

  As the timer lapsed and hit zero, every ounce of strength in my body seemed to bleed from my veins all at once and my vision narrowed to a thin slit as I stumbled then fell onto my side. Every inch of me hurt and suddenly I couldn’t breathe—as though the weight of the mech suit itself was crushing my chest and driving the air from my lungs.

  Not for the first time, I thought I was going to die.

  This time, though, I was sort of okay with that.

  I’d beat the HOA, protected my friends, and made good on my promise to Ed. Even if this was how things ended… Well, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad after all. Despite the pain, I closed my eyes and felt peace as darkness dragged me downward into unconsciousness.