The engine sputtered and squealed as the truck limped toward the cornfields, picking up speed at a snail’s pace. By the time we hit thirty, the engine was popping and groaning, and a plume of acrid black smoke trailed up from the front of the truck. We were so close to the cornfields now, maybe a quarter mile left to go, but there was no way we were going to be able to outrun the HOA. If I had twenty minutes, maybe I could patch the truck up using my Minion Masher Overlay, but I didn’t have twenty minutes.

  I had two. Maybe three.

  The kaiju had recovered from its bout of indigestion and was already in hot pursuit. “You can’t escape from me, you disobedient chowderheads!” the titan bellowed, its voice shaking the nearby houses while its colossal footfalls sent tremors racing through the ground. “This whole floor is mine. There’s nowhere you can go that I can’t follow.”

  With the truck wobbling precariously along as it was, I tended to agree with the monster’s assessment. My initial plan had been to lure the fucker into the cornfields, then drive donuts around it while the Kannibal Kids finished the job. Nice and easy.

  From the look of things, that wasn’t going to be a viable option. Not anymore.

  I had one ace left up my sleeve, but it was a long shot. And a stupid long shot, at that.

  But since the alternatives were A) running for my life and abandoning Jakob and Temp inside the stomach of three-story house kaiju or B) getting turned into meat paste by said kaiju, I decided to take my chances. As the Director had said, before sending us to this godforsaken level, when you find yourself falling off the edge of a cliff, you grab for whatever lifeline you can. Even if that lifeline is a serpent coiled among the rocks.

  While the truck rumbled down the final quarter mile stretch to the edge of the suburbs, I took the little time I had left to prepare. I accessed my personal Storage Interface and pulled out the pair of Relics I needed. The first was the Swarm Tactics Relic I’d looted from the preschool. The ability enhanced athleticism, toughness, and health regeneration with every creature I summoned, and it also applied a scaling buff called Rage. I wasn’t entirely sure what Rage did, but there was no better time than now to find out.

  I exchanged Fault Spike for Swarm Tactics, then quickly swapped out Sterilization Field for the second Relic I’d pulled out of Storage—an extremely questionable Rare-grade Relic called Form FleshTron, Go!

  I’d never actually used Form FleshTron, Go! before. In fact, I’d only seen it in action once, when Funtime Frank activated it to absorb the other four members of the Jungle Gym Jamboree. The ability let the user temporarily “absorb” all summoned minions, transforming them into a towering mech of flesh and metal, with the caster piloting the grotesque monstrosity from within. Like Voltron, but infinitely worse.

  The Relic was wildly unsafe and came with a hefty price tag.

  It had a thirty-second cast time, a 120 Mana cost, a brutal forty-eight-hour cooldown period, and only lasted for a grand total of five minutes. Worst of all, Form Flesh Tron, Go! would overclock the various Relics powering my horrors, damaging them beyond repair. Which meant I wouldn’t be able to summon them again until I conducted a complete overhaul and replaced the burnt-out Relics with new ones. It was the ultimate “Break Glass in Case of Emergency” option.

  But any port in a storm, I guess.

  The truck finally rattled to the end of the road, where the asphalt faded into dirt, and the dirt gave way to a towering wall of swaying corn.

  “Hang on to your butts,” Croc radioed, before really gunning the gas.

  I braced myself for impact as we slammed into the stalks, which crunched and parted before the failing power of the truck. Unfortunately, we didn’t make it far before the engine issued one last final wheeze and died, the ice cream jingle finally guttering and fading. Without the jingle blaring in my ears, I realized that Pink Floyd had given way to Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell,” which seemed to be a fitting song for what was about to happen.

  Although we’d only made it twenty or thirty feet into the corn, the nearest house was easily a hundred yards off and there wasn’t a single Sunnysider in sight.

  That would have to be good enough.

  I deactivated Stick and Cling and dismounted from the truck’s roof while everyone else piled out into the field. Croc looked worried, while Ed seemed simultaneously resigned and resolute. Like a man preparing to make a last stand. He knew this was the end of the road and that there was nowhere left to run. Nothing left to do except face the monster that was barreling our way like a living force of nature with an axe to grind.

  “Well,” Ed muttered, his voice low and gravelly, “I always figured it’d come to this sooner or later. You just can’t beat the man. We put up a helluva fight, though.”

  “Helluva fight,” Woodstock repeated, followed by a customary, “Kill it with fire.”

  “That’s right, little one,” Ed said, patting the bird on the beak. “We did good and that’s something that no one can take from us. That’s something to be proud of.”

  “Are we going to die, Dan?” Croc asked as the weight of the situation finally seemed to settle over the mimic.

  I shook my head, determined not to be a liar. “Not today. Not if I can help it. But it’s going to get nasty, so I need you, Ed, and Woodstock to go hide. Do you think you can do that for me?”

  “Where are we going to hide?” Ed asked incredulously, looking around. “I’m tapped out. No juice left in the tank.”

  “You’re forgetting one thing,” I said. “Croc’s a mimic. Hiding is literally what mimics do best. Show him, Croc.”

  The dog nodded then shifted, its form swelling and changing until only a clump of corn remained. “I can hide you under here,” the corn said, its voice bleeding from the air. The stalks parted to reveal an earthen compartment near the ground.

  “I’ll be damned,” Ed said. “That just might do it. But what about you?” he asked, turning his gaze at me. “Why don’t you come with us?”

  “Because if we all try to hide, that freak show will stomp around until he gets lucky and crushes us all underfoot. Besides, I aim to kill that son of a bitch,” I said with grim determination.

  “Don’t tell me you’re actually planning to fight that thing?” Ed asked in disbelief.

  “Fine,” I replied with a shrug. “I won’t tell you that.” I paused, then offered him a cocky grin. “But I am gonna fight that thing.”

  “Of all the bad ideas I’ve ever heard,” Ed grumbled, “this is the stupidest by a country mile.”

  “It’s only stupid if it doesn’t work,” I said with significantly more confidence than I felt. “And I’m tougher to kill than people give me credit for.”

  Ed let out a heavy sigh. “Well, if anyone can pull it off, I suppose it’s you. I’ve seen you do more impossible things in the last two days than I can count on both hands.” He faltered, locking eyes with me. “You sure about this, hoss?”

  “You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take,” I said, before opening my storage space and pulling out a single Doorway Anchor Plate. Although I was the only one who could generate them, I wasn’t the only one who could plant them. “If things go south, use this to open a doorway and get back to the store. After everything that’s happened, you deserve to get off this godforsaken level.” I hesitated for a moment. “Just, make sure that Croc is safe, okay? Look after the little monster for me.”

  Ed nodded solemnly. “On my life.” He gave me one last thin smile, then turned to the patch of corn, which wasn’t really corn at all. “Come on, let’s get clear. This place is about to turn into ground zero and we want to be as far away as possible.”

  The corn shimmered and contracted, transforming back into the familiar form of my blue dog. Croc stared at me for a long moment with its giant, stupid googly eyes.

  “Be safe, Dan. I really don’t want to have to avenge your death. I mean, I will, but it would be way better if I didn’t have to.” Croc nuzzled my palm with its nose one last time, then turned and bolted after Ed and Woodstock. “Wait for me!” the mimic called.

  Even though I didn’t have long, I watched them go knowing this might be the last time I ever saw any of them.

  Stolen story; please report.

  “Okay, here goes nothing,” I muttered to myself once they’d disappeared into the corn and vanished from view.

  First, I recalled Drumbo and Synthia. Then I resummoned them along with every single Doorway Sentinel I’d created. All five of them. My own personal army of Horrors shambled out of black slits in the air and formed a circle around me.

  The ground rumbled and shook as the HOA came into range.

  The kaiju was hemorrhaging blood from a dozen massive wounds and there were at least thirty Kannibal Kids scampering across the creature’s colossal body, slowly but surely chipping away at its Health Pool. Without a constant supply of Sunnysiders to eat, the HOA’s total HP had dropped below twenty percent, and it was sinking faster by the second. Out here in the cornfields, it would be vulnerable and there was a real chance I could actually kill this shithead.

  With my Horrors assembled, I activated Swarm Tactics, unleashing a wave of Mana that enhanced their stats. The ability granted a flat 5% boost to athleticism, toughness, and health regeneration for summoning two or more creatures, with an additional 2% stacking bonus for each extra summon. With Synthia, Drumbo, my five Doorway Sentinels, and, of course, the stupid fucking ice cream truck, that was a 17% increase across the board.

  That done, I steeled myself and triggered Form FleshTron, Go!, praying that I wasn’t making the biggest mistake of my life.

  Another surge of raw energy burst from my core, flowing down my limbs before erupting outward in a ring of toxic green light. The air grew dense with crushing pressure as the neon ripple swept over my minions. One by one, they were dragged toward me like grotesque rag dolls caught in the world’s most horrifying Shop-Vac. The spell ripped them apart piece by piece, transforming my Horrors into a howling whirlwind of claws, fangs, limbs, and twisted metal.

  I stood at the center of the chaos, the maelstrom churning around me.

  After a moment, the power lifted me off the ground, and I gritted my teeth as the dismembered monster pieces converged, slamming against my body with sickening, wet impacts. Drumbo’s torso folded and twisted, wrapping around my chest as his rib cage reformed into a macabre breastplate of bone and gristle. Synthia’s crab claw latched onto my back, anchoring into place while her chitinous plating molded itself into a rigid exoskeleton.

  At the same time, my legs thickened and stretched, reinforced with sinewy muscle borrowed from the Doorway Sentinels, while the ice cream truck’s steel chassis formed a massive set of armored greaves. The truck’s panels became enormous shoulder plates, and its windshield slammed down over my face, morphing into a curved, translucent visor.

  Drumbo’s Gauntlet of Fist-Shaped Problems grew to the size of a truck tire, then slipped over my right hand. Synthia’s chainsaw had fused with my left hand—though it wasn’t really a chainsaw in the strictest sense of the word. Not anymore. Somehow, the weapon had merged with the angle grinder and circular blade, turning them into something greater than the sum of their individual parts.

  Now it was a whirling buzz saw, big enough to bring down a redwood.

  When the Lovecraftian Sailor-Moon Transformation sequence finally ended, I stood twenty feet tall, an unholy fusion of flesh, fur, and steel. Though I couldn’t see myself, I knew I no longer resembled anything even remotely human. I was a walking fever dream. The deranged vision of a taxidermist on a week-long bender, fueled by Jager bombs and bath salts.

  There was still one last thing I needed to do, though.

  I accessed my spatial storage and pulled free the Potion of ‘YOLO’—for when you need to punch god right in the mouth. I figured this situation probably qualified. The elixir would quadruple my already boosted stats for the next five minutes, turning me into a force of nature in my own right. I chugged the potion, which tasted like gasoline and cherry Pop-Tarts.

  Raw power infused every nerve and muscle fiber.

  “This,” I said, my voice guttural and inhuman, “is fucking awesome.”

  I revved the buzz saw, my fear completely forgotten, and charged forward, ready to meet the HOA kaiju in battle for real.

  The titan still towered over me, easily twice my size—I barely reached its stomach—but the sudden arrival of a second kaiju made the monster hesitate.

  I took full advantage of that opportunity and thrust my gauntleted hand forward, casting Hydro Fracking Blast. Instead of launching a finger-thick jet of water, a geyser exploded outward from my palm and smashed into the titan’s deformed head. The spell carved off a fifth of the titan’s remaining HP—which meant it was dealing far more damage than it had any right to—but unfortunately, the spell also burned through my already dwindling Mana Pool in a matter of seconds.

  The beam of water guttered and died after only a few seconds, but the attack had managed to temporarily knock the titan off-balance. I darted in low, sweeping my screaming buzz saw toward one of the titan’s legs. The HOA wasn’t fast enough to avoid the attack and the whirling blade sunk deep, chewing through meat until it hit something solid underneath and jammed with a metallic shriek. With a grunt and a heave, I tried to yank the saw free, but it was well and truly stuck.

  “THIS IS NOT HOW THINGS END!” the creature bellowed, incensed, before launching its other leg upward and directly into my face.

  There wasn’t anything I could do but eat the blow.

  An enormous knee slammed into my jaw, sending me staggering backward and finally dislodging the saw. I barely managed to stay on my feet, though it was a close call. As I drunkenly fought to regain my balance, the HOA opened its massive maw and unleashed a searing column of fire. The inferno didn’t have much range, but it felt hotter than the surface of the sun. As the flames licked across the metal panels salvaged from the ice cream truck, they began to sag and melt as my health dropped.

  I dove to the side, my mech surprisingly nimble for its size, rolled to my feet, and immediately charged back into the fight.

  I pulled back my right arm then threw the haymaker to end all haymakers, the blow aimed right at the HOA’s groin. Although I wasn’t exactly up to snuff on the anatomy of a house kaiju, I was pretty sure no one liked getting punched in the dick. Especially since the Gauntlet of Fist-Shaped Problems increased all melee damage by 250%. The gauntlet connected with the crunch of metal hitting concrete and the HOA howled in pain, more of its HP draining away. I also mashed one of the Kannibal Kids in the process, flattening the monster and leaving a smear of guts and gore behind.

  Whoopsie.

  The kaiju backpedaled, smoke and embers leaking from its gaping maw. Its movements were erratic, and for the first time I could see fear in its enormous eye. Its health was below fifteen percent, and between me and the remaining Kannibal Kids slowly ripping it apart, it didn’t have long for this world.

  And we both knew it.

  If the titan had any hope of survival, it needed to end things fast, but I wasn’t going to give it that chance. With a feral roar, I launched myself forward, raising the buzz saw for a devastating overhead strike. The blade shrieked as I brought it down, aiming for the jagged mess where the titan’s shoulder connected to its arm.

  The saw slammed home, sparks flying as it chewed through layers of warped wood, twisted metal, and thick muscle. The HOA retaliated, swinging its other arm in a wide arc to dislodge me. I twisted at the waist, ducking beneath the sloppy blow, and drove my gauntlet into its exposed side. The impact cracked something structural, and the kaiju’s form sagged, one of its oversized arms dropping uselessly to its side.

  “Well, this has been shockingly awful,” I said, my voice coming out as a gravelly boom, “and I can’t wait to gut you then leave this entire floor behind forever. Zero out of five stars, would not visit again. In short, go fuck yourself.”

  I raised my buzz saw to finish this fucker off for good—

  The titan surged forward, moving faster than seemed possible for a creature of its sheer size and bulk. It slammed a foot directly into my chest, knocking the wind from my lungs, then rose up to its full height and brought its massive arms crashing down on me like a pair of sledgehammers. The impact sent white stars dancing across my eyes and drove me to the ground, my knees buckling under the sheer force of the blow.

  Before I could get my bearings, the HOA reached forward and latched onto my suit with its grotesque hands, then lifted me into the air with uncanny ease and impossible strength. My mech groaned under the strain and I felt the flesh-and-bone framework threatening to come apart at the seams. I screamed and the sound came out as an inhuman bellow of pure agony. The titan was attempting to rip me in two and it wasn’t doing a half bad job.

  When it became obvious, however, that it wasn’t quite strong enough to accomplish the feat through brute force alone, it threw its head back, unhinged its jaw like a giant python, and pulled me into its mouth. I was far too big to swallow whole, but then the HOA wasn’t trying to eat me. It was trying to eviscerate me. Jagged teeth pierced the armored exoskeleton and punched into my guts. I screamed again as my HP bled away an inch at a time. With my health already below forty percent, I knew I couldn’t withstand this level of punishment for much longer.

  The pressure on my stomach and torso increased, the exoskeleton cracking, and black stole in along the edges of my vision. Ed had been right. This had, indeed, been a stupid idea. And now I was going to die for my hubris—

  But then, just as the thought crossed my mind, the pressure began to ease.

  What the hell? I thought, still reeling from the pain.

  Somewhere within my mech, a radio squawked to life.

  “Dan, this is Jakob, over,” the radio called. “The disruptor…” The signal faltered and broke for a moment. “The sequence… finished running—”

  Before I could respond, a shock wave rippled through the kaiju, and its entire body violently convulsed. The EMP embedded deep within its chest detonated, sending out a pulse of energy that lit up the night sky. The HOA kaiju’s grip slackened, and I tumbled free from its jaws, falling to the ground in a heap.

  “No… This… This can’t be it. This can’t be the way it ends,” the titan groaned, its massive frame swaying like a skyscraper about to topple. Billy Idol had finally stopped singing, the music gone, and now an eerie silence lay thick over the fields.

  Over the entirety of the twenty-fourth floor.

  “You’re right, it’s not,” I said, gaining my feet with a groan. “This is the way it ends.”

  I revved the buzz saw one last time, then leapt into the air and drove the spinning blade downward directly into the creature’s skull, carving through the center of its enormous eye. Black ichor sprayed out in an arc as the kaiju’s HP finally hit zero.

  Even dead, it swayed upright for a long moment.

  Then I yanked my blade free, raised one foot, and kicked the corpse over. The enormous body hit the ground with a clap of thunder and a huge cloud of dust mushroomed up into the air.

  [Level Up! x 6]

  Research Achievement Unlocked!...

  I didn’t even have time to read through the achievement before the YOLO timer flashed red in the corner of my eye, giving me a ten-second countdown. Already, I felt weak and lightheaded, the world wobbling uncertainly beneath my feet.

  As the timer lapsed and finally hit zero, every ounce of strength in my body seemed to bleed from my veins all at once and my vision narrowed to a thin slit as I stumbled then fell onto my side. Every inch of me hurt and suddenly I couldn’t breathe—as though the weight of the mech suit itself was crushing my chest and driving the air from my lungs.

  Not for the first time, I thought I was going to die.

  This time, though, I was sort of okay with that.

  I’d beat the HOA, protected my friends, and made good on my promise to Ed. Even if this was how things ended… Well, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad after all. Despite the pain, I closed my eyes and felt peace as darkness dragged me downward into unconsciousness.