We made our way to the inn. I hid myself in a room since I wasn’t interested in talking with anyone. The Association said that they would lift everything tomorrow, just as a precaution. The baths were occupied, and I wanted to talk with Flit and Yaz even less than I wanted to talk to kalands.

  Keagan opened a book and sat on the bed next to me while Nieve went to work in the kitchen. She really wanted to help out and make ice cream.

  I know what I want for my special attacks. I can get my ice armor finally. But the trait—I still have no idea where I want to lean, offensive or defensive.

  Ice-born: Ice damage received is majorly reduced. Fire damage received is majorly increased.

  That’s my one defensive trait. Something like that should exist for reducing lightning damage. Velleigh is going to stop me. I doubt the same trick will work on him again.

  Thankfully the boy didn’t start talking when we were alone. I closed my eyes and used my mana meditation. It was comforting to feel the chilling mana rolling over me in gentle waves. It felt like a winter wind was blowing through my fur. My mama was almost completely recovered when Nieve walked in.

  “Guess what I got?” She sang as she held a tray over her head.

  “Cookies and ice cream,” I said flatly.

  She lowered the tray and slumped her shoulders as she walked over to Keagan. “You’re not supposed to know about the cookies. How did you know?”

  I sniffed. “From the smell, I’d say strawberry ice cream and caramel cookies. And you should know that my sense of smell is quite strong.”

  Keagan’s eyes lit up as Nieve placed the tray in his lap. “They look fantastic!” He took a bite of a cookie and melted. “Ohh oh ho. They taste even better. You’ve got to try one, Lucia.”

  I looked at the cookie he offered me. It smelled good. Carefully grabbing it with my canines, I then tilted my head back and ate it. The cookie was moist and light. Hidden in the caramel was something else, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

  After swallowing, I shrugged. “It’s alright.”

  Nieve pouted. “Just alright?”

  “That’s high praise coming from her,” Keagan said with a mouthful of cookies.

  I laid my head down on my paws. “Take it how you will.”

  Nieve leaned over and petted my head gently. “Well, you’re welcome.”

  The boy shoveled the ice cream in his mouth faster than he did the cookies. At the end, he put both hands on the sides of his head. “Ah, it… it hurts. Why does my head hurt?”

  I smirked. A very old memory surfaced as I watched the boy suffer. “It’s called a brain freeze. Eating ice cream too fast will do that.”

  He rubbed his temples. “That doesn’t make sense. Why does eating ice cream hurt my brain? Is it because Nieve used an attack to make it?”

  “Nope.” I grinned. “Humans and elves could get it in my last life. Why does it hurt your brain? Yeah, I don’t know, and don’t think I’ve ever known.”

  I nodded to the dullahan. “Speaking of which. Do you mind using your chilled touch on me?”

  Nieve flinched and glued her hands to her chest plate. “Absolutely not! I’m not going to hurt you.”

  “Why would you even ask for something like that?” Keagan asked, still reeling.

  I stood up. “Because I’ve not had to fight something that has used ice element attacks yet. I want to know how my resistance will hold up against it.”

  Keagan lowered his voice. “What are you planning on picking for your trait?”

  I flicked my tail. “What I’m trying to figure out is whether or not I should think about lightning resistance or something like upgrading my ice and magic power. If the resistance doesn’t make much of a difference, then I should just stay focused on offense.”

  Keagan blinked. “I, uh, that almost makes sense.”

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  Nieve shook her head. “I don’t care. I’m not hurting you, even if you have a good reason.”

  “Look, Velleigh is not going to let me anywhere near Luther.” My tone lost all emotion. “After seeing that he has a new attack, I need to be prepared. Luther will make sure he’s prepared to take on creatures far stronger than him. This isn’t just a whim; this is important.”

  Nieve tucked her hands in her armpits. “I’m not very comfortable with this.”

  I scowled. “Whatever.”

  Keagan moved to stand between us. “That’s not fair, Lucia, and you know it. If Nieve doesn’t want to do it, she doesn’t have to. If you want a trait to give you lightning resistance, you can just take Grounded.”

  “And how much resistance will that give?” I asked as I glared into the boy’s eyes.

  “Minimal,” he answered without flinching. “You have to level it up a few times to make it worth more.”

  “Then are any defensive traits worth it?”

  “If you level them up.” Keagan emphasized each word. “Now calm down, please.”

  I turned and stood in the center of the room. “I never leveled up my ice resistance, yet it says it majorly reduces damage from ice attacks. You’re telling me there’s nothing like that?”

  Keagan placed a hand on Nieve’s shoulder as she trembled. “And it comes with a serious downside. Also, that is a trait you inherited. First-ranked traits are all weak, but they all level up into very powerful ones if you focus them.”

  “So, what?” I growled. “Are you telling me that I should be leveling up my fanged trait?”

  “Yes,” he said simply. “When it comes to attacks, you use your bite more than anything. But if you upgrade your claws, it can make you faster. Your claws will hook into the ground better, stopping you faster. Also, you can dig into harder ground, like rocks and stuff.”

  I shrugged. “More traction. So, what would you say is the better choice?”

  “Upgrade your fanged trait,” Keagan said flatly.

  “You sound confident. Why?”

  Nieve was calming down, but she still wouldn’t look at me.

  Keagan never left her side. “You told me once that you don’t have to be good at everything. You aren’t a magically focused monster. Improving your bite attacks will improve things for you. I want you to go back to normal. That requires you to succeed. If you settle things with one bite, I think that would be best.”

  I concentrated on selecting my new trait, then imagined improving my Fanged trait.

  Sharp Fangs: Biting attacks deal increased critical damage when aimed at weak points. Also, all biting attacks deal a minor increase of damage.

  So, hitting weak points hits much harder while dealing a little extra all the time.

  I didn’t trust myself in the heat of battle to level up my attacks to surprise Luther. My attention turned to the two selectable special attacks, and I leveled up Frost Shield.

  Frost Hide: Defense-C, Resilience-C, Duration-D.

  Ice Armor: Defense-B, Resilience-B, Duration-C.

  “Ice armor changed what stats it has,” I said unconsciously. “It only lasts a short time?”

  Keagan tilted his head. “What?” He pulled out the stone that let him see my status. “What are the statistics and their values?”

  I told him.

  The boy then scratched his head. “Well, I can tell you that the duration will be thirty seconds; skill durations are short by nature. As for your defense and resilience stats, those are the buffs to increase your Toughness and Resilience. By how much? It’s supposed to be based on your arcane stat since it’s magic. C grades on special attacks are roughly one and a half times your arcane stat. B grade should be double.”

  “Upgrading that is better at upgrading my defenses than traits,” I huffed.

  Nieve stood up. Her head was angled to the ground as she trudged towards the door. “I’m going to go help in the kitchen. You can ask one of the other workers if you need me to make you some food.”

  Keagan held a hand out towards her. “You don’t have to go, Nieve.”

  She shook her head as she stood in the door’s threshold. “I’m going to go somewhere I can be useful, since I’m not useful to Lucia.” Then she walked down the hall.

  Keagan glared at me. “Do you see what you’ve done?” He groaned and pinched his nose as he whispered, “Why am I asking? Of course you don’t. If it doesn’t help you kill Luther, it’s just a distraction.”

  He sighed and waved me to the door. “Come on. Let’s see if a bath is free soon and give you one so you can go to sleep. Then we can leave first thing once you wake up. All of this needs to come to an end.” His voice dropped even further. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.”

  Keagan left first. The quiet hang of his head felt just the same as Nieve’s. That pressed harder into my heart than any shout could have.

  I followed after him, my claws clicking against the floor.

  We left the room and the smells of sugar and cold cream and carried with us the scent of blood that hadn’t been washed out of my fur yet.

  Nieve’s words echoed. “…Not useful to Lucia.”

  My chest tightened. I forced the feeling down. Regret leads to hesitation. Hesitation leads to failure. Failure leads to an early grave.

  I had seen that pattern before.

  This is Luther’s fault. He did this. He put me in this situation. He woke this thing up.

  My wrath stirred at the mention of his name. A low, eager craving rolled through my blood. I hated how easily it hungered. I hated how much I needed it sated.

  I dropped my head and tail as I breathed slowly. If I didn’t keep moving, I would lose him. If I slowed down, Luther would win.

  How does one fight their nature? I’ve fought against my nature before; it only made things more extreme. Accepting it gave me control over my beastkin nature before. Now, I can clearly see a part of me is fighting myself. The enemy is right on my status sheet. Accepting that part has only caused problems for me and Keagan—and now Nieve. If I can’t fight it and I can’t accept it, what’s left?

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, not sure who it was for.

  Then I straightened.

  “Sorry” won’t undo what’s been done. “Sorry” never changes anything.

  I would carry the guilt, the anger, and the betrayal in their eyes. I would carry it all because I deserve it. And if that made me the monster, then so be it.

  Once Luther’s dealt with, I have to become so strong nothing will bother me or the boy again. I will become so powerful this world will have to leave me alone.

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