I had made a major mistake. Just because children could read didn’t mean any of it made a crumb of sense. How was I supposed to tell all the squizzles apart? There were 24 different letters, and each word was a whole new combination of them. This was proving to be impossible. I moped. Feeling more and more defeated as each new lesson left my head hurting and my morale further wounded.

  Nicole set up a makeshift bed in her tent for me. While I slept perfectly comfortably, I didn’t quite have the human excuse I once had to spend it with her. Not that I was much for conversation at the moment.

  Everything was eerily calm. It should have been normal, but it was the furthest thing.

  The traitor had not been found. Though everyone was in the dark about the whole investigation. I was pretty sure the civilians didn’t even know.

  With reading proving elusive, I was so very bored. And while I was used to boredom, it was different like this. More antsy, I couldn’t just wander or occupy myself with something silly. That first night running through the camp, scents in the air and adrenaline in my heart, oh, that had been delightful. Now I was just lazing about. Bored.

  Nicole was kept fairly busy with the whole being a doctor thing. An important job, certainly. But I could only watch someone complain about a headache so many times before I started to feel the need to anxiously chew on things.

  All of this time in my own head also made me think of something else. Was I… different? And not just free of inhibitors. I would catch myself, mannerisms I had no reason to perform, instincts that certainly were not mine. In my head, I may have been Elsy, but this body made me a… different kind of Elsy.

  At least that's what I began to fear.

  Not that it was bad. Just… it was kinda scary to be influenced like that. Or well, I probably always was, hormones and stuff, but now I had a totally different body to influence me. It was really sinking in that I was the same brain stuck in another body, and that the brain and body were not two separate things at all.

  More so, I missed speaking with Nicole. We could manage it… kinda. But I was lonely. In her company, but unable to communicate. No late-night chats or shared secrets. All we did now was orbit each other.

  We stuck with the language lessons. I was trying, I really was. I sat beside her on the bench as I glared at the paper she scribbled on.

  “Right, so what does that spell?”

  I tapped on the sketch of the boat she had drawn.

  “You got it,” she nodded. “B O A T, boat.”

  I sighed, more with relief at being right than any sense of accomplishment.

  “Let’s stop there for now,” Nicole smiled. “I did have another idea in the meantime.”

  I cocked my head. Curious. Part of me just hoped she could make some fancy gizmo so she could just read my mind.

  “Sometimes human children are not capable of speech. So communication boards can be used,” Nicole began, flipping through her notebook. “Simple words with pictures,” she said, sketching out a box and drawing a simple face with a different expression in each. “Here I will write ‘I feel,’ and then label the expressions. And now you both have the chance to learn the word, but you can also indicate visually how you are feeling. Does that make sense?”

  I nodded. Pointing at the happy face.

  I wasn’t really that happy, and maybe my lack of enthusiasm was clear. But she was trying, and it was better than nothing. The only real solution was to hop into a human body, and not only was I not quite ready for that weirdness, but it kinda seemed like murder. There were no good options.

  Maybe once communication with the Imperium was restored, Nicole could source another sleeve body?

  “I know it must be very frustrating,” Nicole grimaced.

  I nodded. Not bothering to deny it since she had already deduced it. She reached out for me, and I pressed my neck into her hand.

  “You like being touched, don’t you?” Nicole asked gently.

  That skidded something absentmindedly to a halt.

  I mean… yeah.

  I knew it violated all sorts of etiquette, that it was improper and scandalous. But since I had died, I had become so much more attuned to touch; it was all I had for days. And while yes, this body came with instincts, I wanted Nicole to touch me. It made me feel fuzzy and relaxed. It told the heart of whatever consciousness I was that she was there and I was okay.

  I liked being touched by her.

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  It was a small correction that seemed really big. Yet all I could do with it was bounce it around my head. Eventually, I found the determination to blink my eyes open. Pointing at her before scratching at the fur of my chest.

  “Okay,” Nicole nodded, moving her hand to where I had itched.

  I sighed, that wasn’t what I ha— oh, that was nice. I found myself letting out a strange sound, a squeaky contented rumbling. My next sigh was much deeper, flopping onto my side on her lap dramatically.

  The petting felt really good. My tail swooshed lazily behind me. It was almost like I had been drugged with morphine again, floating on a fraction of that same bliss. I felt… good, a warmth that slowly increased.

  It condensed into a throbby feeling, a hot— I snapped my eyes open. What was going on?

  I looked at Nicole, who was still sketching in her notebook. No answers there, I looked down at myself… and choked on air.

  There was a-an… organ? Obviously, this body wasn’t my old one, but… this made it really obvious. It reminded me somewhat of my wedding night, but… attached to me, and a different colour and… shape.

  Oh god.

  I didn’t know what to do. I was half tempted to just slither out of this body right then and there.

  The organ wiggled on its own in time with the pulsing inside me. I couldn’t make it stop.

  “Elsy?” Nicole asked.

  I refused to look at her. I didn’t want to know that she knew. I wanted the thing to go away and for this to have never happened.

  As per usual, reality did not bend to my will.

  I just… I just needed to think. The thing was shockingly distracting. I shifted my legs to hide it away, which felt really weird, different, but good. I didn’t want to feel good.

  “Elsy?” Nicole asked again. This time, I looked up at her. I didn’t mean to. I forgot I was trying not to. My head felt like it was spinning. “Do you want me to touch you more?”

  I couldn’t believe what I had heard. Tobias would kill me if he ever found out I had been unfaithful. I silently cursed the stupid uxor habits. What did Tobias matter anymore?

  It was just Nicole and me.

  But she wasn’t my husband. And I was… this thing.

  The thing still throbbed incessantly, spurred on by the thudding little heart in my chest that understood her words even while my mind was a whirlwind.

  I didn’t know what I wanted. I wasn’t good at knowing things.

  Did Nicole want to touch… me? I couldn’t imagine that was the case. But if it was something she wanted, then I could be okay with it. Or at least figure it out.

  Nicole gave me nothing to work with. Her expression was terrifyingly unreadable. At least she wasn’t angry. I just reminded myself of that fact. At least she wasn’t angry.

  After a moment I shook my head.

  I didn’t like my wedding night. And given the choice, I certainly didn’t want to relive it, especially not… in such an alien body. I felt ill. Unreasonably scared of her response.

  “Okay,” Nicole said simply, and turned back to her sketching.

  That was it.

  All of my panic and reasoning, my mental investigation of myself, and all she had to say was okay. It was like it wasn’t a big deal, like she hadn’t cared what my answer was.

  It left me baffled.

  I curled around myself protectively in silence. I was almost always silent, even like this. I didn’t know how to feel about any of what had just happened. But eventually, without Nicole petting me, my body calmed down.

  Yet even when that happened, I couldn’t quite put it behind me. I couldn’t forget about it.

  I couldn’t help wondering what it would have been like if I had said yes.

  It was utterly irrational; I didn’t need to give Nicole such things. She wasn’t my husband. But once all was calm, Nicole still sketching at my side, I couldn’t help but feel a certain feeling of disappointment.

  What in the world was wrong with me?

  An alarm began to blare from outside, loud and whooping. Nicole frowned and set down her sketch book. I followed her out of the tent, still feeling tumbled emotionally.

  What is going on now?

  People hurried about. All rushing in one direction or the other. A few officers with large pointy sticks hurried towards the grassy side of the village, further inland.

  A hunting accident? An animal on the loose?

  “The’ye here!” Someone yelled.

  “Who?” Nicole snapped back.

  “The aliens!” He hissed, running by.

  Nicole and I shared a glance before hurrying towards the front lines.

  We followed the people with spears. Yet by the time we arrived, it was just a small crowd standing around, chatting and pointing out towards the tree line.

  There were no aliens to be found. Or were they even aliens? Weren’t we the aliens, as we had flown all the way to this planet from space?

  Tobias was speaking quietly with Commander Alcantar. Both had rifles over their shoulders and did not look happy. At least we had some weapons to defend ourselves.

  “Calm down, calm down,” Captain Tameron told the small crowd. “As soon as the alarm sounded, they ran off. Everything is fine.”

  I glanced at Nicole, who was looking at Tobias. Sneering was probably more accurate.

  In the chaos, no one paid me any mind. Except for one man who noticed me, jumped half a meter in the air with surprise, and was promptly laughed at by his buddies.

  I supposed being leashed and fed mollusks somewhat damaged one’s imaginary reputation.

  “We’ll need patrols,” Tobias spoke up, turning to Captain Tameron. “And some kind of wall as soon as possible.”

  “We don’t know what they want, and I think it would be best if we don't find out,” Commander Alcantar added.

  Captain Tameron nodded solemnly.