LITTLE FLUFFY WIGGLETOES CONQUERS THE WORLD

©2009 by Richard S. Crawford

about 1,100 words

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Good morning boys and girls! It’s been so hard to get to our storytimes because it seems like everywhere I go I see policemen. Do you remember what we do when we see policemen? That’s right, boys and girls, we kick them in the knees and then run away as fast as can. They like that! It’s like playing tag!

If you remember, last time our friend, that naughty Little Fluffy Wiggletoes had become President of the Meadow after overthrowing President Cottontail. This was a victory for democracy, even though President Cottontail had been elected by a big majority of all the animals and birds who lived in the meadow. This is what we call a coup, boys and girls, and one day if a President you don’t like is elected, maybe you should do a coup of your own. The people will think you’re wonderful if you do.

Well, as you know, Little Fluffy Wiggletoes wasn’t just satisfied with being President of the Meadow. He wanted to be the ruler of the entire world. But how could he be ruler of the entire world if he was just a little fluffy bunny in the meadow? In order to conquer the entire world, he would have to have a huge army. Now, of course Little Fluffy Wiggletoes didn’t have a huge army. He was just a little bunny, after all, and little bunnies don’t have huge armies, not even powerful President bunnies like Little Fluffy Wiggletoes.

Now of course, boys and girls, you know what you should do whenever you want something that someone else has, right? Yes, little Susie, you could ask them to share, but that isn’t going to work and you’re stupid if you think it will. No, boys and girls, the best thing to do is to steal what you want from the person who has it and then it’s yours. Sharing? Susie, don’t make me laugh.

So Little Fluffy Wiggletoes knew that he had to steal an army from somewhere or someone. But the only army he knew of was the big mercenary army that Mr. Toad had in the pond on the other side of the playground. Remember that playground, boys and girls? That’s where Peter Cottontail euthanized all those children last year after Little Fluffy Wiggletoes had tried to hypnotize them all. That’s right, Little Timmy, sometimes there are some things worse than death, like always having to run away when you see the police or your mommies.

Well, Mr. Toad’s army was a big one, and Little Fluffy Wiggletoes knew that stealing it from Mr. Toad wasn’t going to be easy. A single Hypno-Ray waasn’t going to do it this time. So Little Fluffy Wiggletoes decided to go to WalMart to do some shopping, because WalMart has everything that a little bunny who wants to take over the world might need. And to his surprise, he found that WalMart was now selling Hypno-Powder! This wonderful powder, according to the package, could be dissolved in water and then whoever drank it would be under the control of anyone who also had a Hypno-Ray. Since Little Fluffy Wiggletoes already had a Hypno-Ray, he knew that he had to have this powder. So he slipped it under his jacket and walked carefully out of the store. Because remember, boys and girls, that you should never have to pay for anything that you take out of the store. Always put it into your jacket and walk out casually so that no one knows you’re stealing it. Are you listening, Little Susie?

So after Little Fluffy Wiggletoes got the Hypno-Powder and a brand new Hypno-Ray, he went over to the pond on the other side of the playground. He had to sneak under the barbed wire and past the land mines, but he was a clever bunny and it was easy for him to do that. Then he poured the Hypno-Powder into the pond, and waited for everyone in Mr. Toad’s army to drink. And when they did, they were all under Little Fluffy Wiggletoes’s control.

So now Little Fluffy Wiggletoes had two armies. But he needed a lot more, because the world is a big place, isn’t it boys and girls? It’s scary, too. Do you know what you should do with things that are scary that you don’t understand? That’s right, Little Susie, you beat them up. It’s good that you’re learning, because I thought you were really stupid. But you shouldn’t be too smart, Little Susie, because little girls aren’t supposed to be smart. Otherwise they get sassy, and don’t obey their husbands.

Little Fluffy Wiggletoes knew he was going to need a lot more armies than just two. He was going to need people armies. And that wasn’t going to be easy. But the first thing he did was use the two armies he controlled to take over the WalMart store he always went to. You should have seen all the people running around that day, because they were all scared of Little Fluffy Wiggletoes and his armies! But soon Little Fluffy Wiggletoes had them all under control too, and then he made them make more Hypno-Powder.

And on and on it went. The only one who could have stopped Little Fluffy Wiggletoes was Peter Cottontail, and where do you think he was? That’s right, Little Fluffy Wiggletoes had thrown him right into jail for being subversive and for thinking too much.

But while Little Fluffy Wiggletoes was conquering the world something was happening back at the prison where Peter Cottontail was being kept, and pretty soon Little Fluffy Wiggletoes was going to regret letting Peter Cottontail live.

Unfortunately, boys and girls, I can’t tell you what that is, because I can tell by the sirens that the police are coming here again and they’re going to be looking for me. Remember that when the policemen are here you’re supposed to kick them in the shins and then run away, right? And make sure they never find me!

Bye boys and girls!