Teh K1ng In Y3ll0w (Part Four)

©2009 by Richard S. Crawford

about 1,4000 words

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WHY ARE WE NOT THINKING Nodens asked again.

“Quiet,” said Hastur. “I told you, I am thinking.” The team on the television made a stupid move, and Hastur cursed it loudly.

ALLOW ME, said Nodens. He raised his hand and uttered a few cthonic sentences. Hastur’s television melted into a shapeless form of undifferentiated leprous flesh, oozing black smoke and a fine green mist. The form squeaked pitifully.

Hastur stood up from his seat on the couch and faced Nodens. “What the hell did you do that for?”

YOU EXPRESSED A DESIRE TO CURSE THE ENTITY, SO I DID SO FOR YOU.

“Fix it! Now!”

I APOLOGIZE DEAR FRIEND BUT I CANNOT. THE ENTITY’S QUANTUM STRUCTURE HAD LOST ITS INTEGRITY AND IT CANNOT BE RESTORED.

“Bullshit. You’re just saying that!”

YES, I AM SAYING IT, BUT IT REMAINS TRUE. NOW HOW DO WE ACQUIRE THE SHINING TETRAZOHEDRON?

Hastur sighed. Like all the Great Old Ones, Nodens could be a real asshole. Still, at least he was willing to help Hastur out, so he was somewhat tolerable. For now at least. “It’s in the First National Bank in San Augustin, which is a human city.”

Nodens scoffed. SAN AUGUSTIN IS A VERY ODD NAME FOR A CITY. WHY DID THEY NOT NAME IS ARG’UL OR R’YLEH OR SARNATH OR THE CURSED WASTE OR SOMETHING SENSIBLE?

“Who cares? That’s what they call it. And the Shining Trapezohedron in in that bank.”

IT IS INSIDE THE BUILDING YOU TOLD ME ABOUT?

“I’m pretty sure it is.”

THEN WE SHALL TELEPORT INSIDE OF IT.

“No, you can’t just teleport inside the bank.”

WHY NOT?

Hastur tapped his fingers on his leg. How to explain to Nodens that one doesn’t simply teleport into the middle of a place where there would be dozens of humans, many with weapons? “You just can’t.”

AH, BUT YES I CAN. BEHOLD!

With no more preamble than that, Hastur and Nodens were inside the First National Bank. At least Hastur assumed that they were. The floors and walls were of stone, and the vaulted ceiling rose high above them.

And surrounding them were the screams of more terrified humans than Hastur had ever seen at once.

Hastur looked around. Humans were running away from the two of them, some of them stumbling over themselves in their hurry to get away.

DO YOU SEE? Nodens said. WE HAVE ARRIVED. He seemed entirely oblivious to the havoc that surrounded them. NOW WHERE IS THE SHINING TRAPEZOHEDRON?

“Stop right there!” shouted one of the humans.

Hastur turned and saw a human wearing blue fabric and pointing a small black device at them. He knew that this person was a police officer because of the commercials during the football games. He was unclear what police officers were supposed to do, precisely, but he guessed it had something to do with maintaining order. He also believed that the object the officer held was a weapon of some sort.

Nodens took no notice whatsoever of the police officer. I DO NOT SEE IT HERE.

The police officer shouted again. Hastur looked at him and said, “Calm down. We don’t want any trouble.”

“I’m warning you…” the officer said.

Hastur rolled his eyes and did what he knew always got the desired reaction from humans in this situation: he removed his sunglasses.

The police officer looked at Hastur’s alien eyes, then screamed, dropped his gun, and ran away.

WHERE DID THE BLUE ONE GO? Nodens asked. I QUITE LIKED THE NOISES IT WAS MAKING.

“He had other things to do.” Hastur looked around, wondering where the bank would keep secret alien artifacts like the Shining Trapezohedron. He’d seen bank commercials during football games, but he’d never really paid attention to them so he wasn’t sure what their policies were toward that sort of thing.

Nodens turned and faced on of the humans, who was lying on the ground face down, sobbing. HUMAN. WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE SHINING TRAPEZOHEDRON?

“The what?” asked the human. Its sobs reminded Hastur of the muffled gibberings that Abhoth let out sometimes during their more intimate moments.

THE SHINING TRAPEZOHEDRON. IT CLOSES DOORS.

“You mean a key?”

YES. THE KEY CREATED IN ANCIENT EONS BY FORCES UNKOWN, THOUGH THE MI-GO SOMETIMES TAKE CREDIT FOR IT.

Hastur shoved Nodens off to one side. “Bugger off, Nodens, can’t you see it’s scared?”

AH. I SEE. WHAT IS SCARED? IS THAT ITS NAME?

Hastur shook his head in frustration, then leaned down so that his head was level with the human’s. “Hello there human. Where does this bank keep ancient and invaluable, possibly cursed, artifacts that emerge from other dimensions through a reality interstice?”

“You mean, like in a safe deposit box?”

Hastur shrugged. “Sure.”

“They’re in the back. I can help you find them.” The human stood up, still trembling.

AH HA! said Nodens. YOU HAVE BUMPS ON YOUR VENTRAL SURFACE. YOU ARE A FEMALE FERTILITY AVATAR!

“No he’s not,” said Hastur. “He’s just really fat.”

AH. LIKE CTHULHU.

“Yes.”

HE DOES NOT APPEAR TO HAVE FACIAL TENTACLES.

“Look, just drop it, okay?” Hastur turned back to the fat human. “These safe tea-boxes. Where can we find them?”

“Just don’t hurt me.” The human led Hastur and Nodens to the back of the bank, pressed some buttons on a black panel next to a large metallic door, and then through the door. “These are all the safe deposit boxes,” he said. “Which one is yours?”

Hastur and Nodens looked at each other.

IN WHICH ONE IS THE SHINING TRAPEZOHEDRON LOCATED?

“Just leave us alone,” Hastur said. “We’ll find it ourselves.”

The fat human left without even saying goodbye, but he closed the door behind him.

Hastur looked around at the walls of the small room they were in. Boxes lined the walls, boxes of many different sizes, each with a keyhole in the front. “How big is the Shining Trapezohedron?”

I DO NOT KNOW.

Hastur nodded. That figured. “Okay, we’ll just have to open all of them, one at a time, until we find it.”

A WORTHY PLAN.

Getting the boxes to open without a key was not difficult for Hastur and Nodens. Hastur simply pointed at the box, and Nodens opened it with his powerful mind. When human authorities arrived at the door and tried to open it, Nodens turned it into part of the wall so that it would be impossible to break through.

After a mere hour, they found it: the Shining Trapezohedron. It wasn’t much larger than Hastur’s fist, a truncated pyramid that appeared to be made of glass, though when Hastur looked at it it appeared to shift in his vision as if it were made of smoke.

THAT IS IT?

“Yes it is,” Hastur replied. He held the Shining Trapezohedron up in front of him, grinning.

HOW DO WE MAKE IT WORK?

Hastur was less sure about that part. The ancient literature had only said that the Shining Trapezohedron could close the doors between realities, but they hadn’t said how. Hastur realized he hadn’t really been putting a lot of thought into this plan after all. He’d simply expected that Cthulhu’s rise was just going to happen, and hadn’t really considered the possibility of his own success. “I don’t actually know. We need to do some more research. I don’t suppose you know where the Pnoptik Manuscripts are today?”

I’M AFRAID THAT I –

Nodens’s voice was cut off by another, higher pitched, and authoritative. “Stop right there, Hastur and Nodens!”

Hastur jumped and spun around. Nyarlathotep stood in a large doorway that had not existed earlier, facial tentacles flailing and paws flexing on the floor. “Did you think I wasn’t going to figure out what you were going to try?” he said. “You’re pathetically predictable, Hastur.”

“Shit,” Hastur said eloquently.

I SHALL SAVE US, said Nodens.

The world went blue and purple for a moment, and then Hastur and Nodens were back in the bank’s vault, facing Nyarlathotep.

“Got you,” said Nyarlathotep. And he began to laugh.