ESTJ
©2009 by Richard S. Crawford
about 1,530 words
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“So. Tell me your name.”
“Nina aniN.”
“Anin?”
“No. aniN. The capital is at the end.”
“Oh? And why is that, Ms. AniN?”
“Haven’t you ever wanted a proper palindrome for a name?”
“It would seem to me that the name Nina Anin is palindrome enough.”
“But it isn’t. If it were possible, I would have every printed reference to my last name be written in reversed characters. But, there you are. What can you do?”
“So not just a linguistic palindrome, but a typographical one as well?”
“Precisely so.”
“I see. Well, Ms. aniN, thank you for taking the time to meet with me today here at Interstitial Interfaces. I know it’s been a long assessment process to determine whether you really do fit in with the corporate environment here. We really appreciate your patience. I’m sure you’ve had other offers come along in the meantime.”
“This is true. However, my ultimate goal remains a position with Interstitial Interfaces. The work that you do here is absolutely fascinating, from every possible level, and I’m excited to be a part of it.”
“And your backup plan?”
“Well, if I don’t get this job, then I suppose I’ll accept the offer placed before me by the Anderson Corporation.”
“Ah, yes. The overseas CEO position responsible for intercontinental business development, yes?”
“Precisely.”
“Excellent. Now, I’m just going to ask you a few questions, and we’ll see where that goes. Answer as truthfully as you are able to, all right?”
“I’m ready.”
“Good. So, let’s begin. Once more, your name?”
“Nina aniN.”
“Your age?”
“Twenty-eight.”
“Height?”
“Excuse me?”
“Your height. Trust me, it’s relevant.”
“Very well. Five feet, one inch.”
“Gender?”
“Female.”
“And your current occupation?”
“I’m privately employed as a data forensics specialist.”
“With which corporation?”
“That’s classified.”
“Fair enough. Let’s proceed with the assessment questions. Answer true of false, and do not qualify your answers. Do you understand?”
“Of course I do.”
“Excellent. First question. I show my thoughts and feelings in the way I look and act, but do not talk much about what I think and about how I feel.”
“I keep all expressions of my thoughts and feelings private. They’re detrimental to the work environment.”
“Just answer true or false.”
“False.”
“Excellent. Second question: I am considerate and thoughtful of other people.”
“When there’s an advantage.”
“True or false, please.”
“Fine. True.”
“My peers look up to me and seek me out.”
“True.”
“I am helpful and cooperate with other people.”
“True.”
“I like physical affection.”
“When appropriate.”
“True or false, please.”
“True.”
“I like bunnies.”
“False.”
“I try to see how much I can get away with. I push or stretch the rules.”
“True.”
“I enjoy kicking small puppies.”
“Excuse me?”
“I am determined. I do not give up easily.”
“No, what was the question just before that?”
“Um. I try to see how much…”
“No, the one about the puppies.”
“Puppies, Ms. aniN?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“Perhaps we could continue another time?”
“No, keep going.
“Answer the questions with true or false only, no qualifications or elaborations.
“Understood.”
“Next question. I try to take advantage of other people.”
“True, I suppose.”
“No qualifications, Ms. aniN.”
“Sorry.”
“Next question. I often see creatures lurking in the corners of the room.”
“What?”
“I often feel I need to be the center of attention.”
“Uh… True, I guess.”
“Do you?”
“Do I what?”
“See creatures lurking in the corners of the room?”
“I don’t recall…”
“True or false, please.”
“Um. False.”
“Next question. My answer to the previous question was a lie.”
“False.”
“I’m absolutely sure of that.”
“True.”
“I have never ever in my life ever seen a creature lurking in the darkened corners of an empty, abandoned room.”
“True.”
“The answer to my next question will be false.”
“Mu.”
“Excuse me?”
“A Zen approach to answering a non-answerable question. The word ‘mu’ signifies that the question is un-asked. I have very little tolerance for paradox.”
“Next question. I am neat and orderly in the way I dress and comport myself.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Ms. aniN, you are certainly the most put together person I’ve ever seen. You could be sculpted out of wax. Not a single hair is out of place. You are certainly the most symmetrical person I’ve ever met. However, I must insist that you answer the question true or false.”
“True.”
“I am open and straightforward.”
“True.”
“I try to take advantage of other people.”
“True.”
“I recognize temporal paradoxes when they occur and take swift and decisive action to resolve them.”
“True.”
“I often find that I am overwhelmed and confused in the workplace.”
“False.”
“I look different from other people my age.”
“True.”
“That certainly is the case. Next question. I am sure that I have never suffered any breakdowns, episodes of depression or psychosis, and that my mental stability has never been in doubt.”
“True.”
“And I really mean it.”
“True.”
“Really, really mean it.”
“True.”
“I mean, really, truly, honestly, one hundred percent mean it.”
“For God’s sake.”
“True or false.”
“True.”
“Thank you. Next question. I like the color blue.”
“False.”
“I wish to reconsider my answer to the previous question.”
“False.”
“I wish to reconsider my answer regarding the creatures lurking in darkened corners of empty rooms.”
“False.”
“Should I encounter such creatures lurking in the darkened corners of abandoned rooms, I would react appropriately and alert the authorities.”
“True.”
“I often find that the authorities do not react appropriately to incursions into our world by extradimensional forces which have traversed the dimensional interstices and wish to wreak harm on the innocent populace of the earth.”
“Um. True.”
“I would like to find a job where my skills as an investigator and resolver of temporal and interdimensional paradoxes can be paired with my organizational and administrative skills in order to bring the organization to the next level.”
“What?”
“True or false, Ms. aniN.”
“True.”
“Very good. Next question. I am trustworthy and others can rely on me to fulfill promises I have made.”
“True.”
“I find that boredom often bores me.”
“True.”
“I often wish that I were a character in an old Japanese Kaiju movie so that I could find a way to effectively destroy Godzilla, Rodan, or Gamera in a way which is efficient and further advances my career.”
“Um. True?”
“I am calm and relaxed and easy-going.”
“False.”
“I am determined. I do not give up easily.”
“True.”
“I often think that Bobby Darin is an underrated performer.”
“What?”
“Please, Ms. aniN. You never know what might be relevant in a work situation.”
“True, I suppose.”
“No qualifiers, please.”
“True.”
“I often feel that Reed Richards was too harsh on Victor Von Doom.”
“True.”
“Garble garble ickle boo.”
“What?”
“True or false, please.”
“Could you repeat the question?”
“Could I?”
“Yes, could you?”
“True or false, please.”
“True.”
“Next question. I enjoy apples.”
“False.”
“Next question. I often feel that papayas are an underrated fruit.”
“True.”
“I can react with increasing confidence to an increasingly bizarre series of true or false questions.”
“True.”
“I like bunny rabbits.”
“True.”
“I repeatedly flog dead horses.”
“False.”
“Garble garble ickle boo.”
“True.”
“I have often felt that a penny saved is a penny earned, except during a recession.”
“True.”
“When I am under stress I back off and give up.”
“False.”
“I am capable of taking this knife and stabbing my examiner in the throat.”
“True.”
“I would continue to stab my examiner in the throat with this knife even if he were to beg for mercy.”
“True.”
“Then let me put this knife away. Next question. I often feel lonely and out of place even among other people.”
“False.”
“I am stubborn.”
“True.”
“I think I would like the career of an environmental horticulturalist.”
“False.”
“If possible I would like to go back in time to the prehistoric ages and prevent the extinction of the dinosaurs, but only certain ones.”
“True.”
“I often find that society ignores those who have unique typographical needs.”
“True.”
“Excellent. Last question. I like bunnies.”
“You already asked me that.”
“True or false.”
“False.”
“Excellent. That’s it. Thank you for your time, Ms. aniN.”
“Oh. When do I find out if I got the job?”
“Ah. My apologies. I am authorized to offer you an opportunity for employment with Interstitial Interfaces. Welcome aboard.”
“When do I start?”
“Right now. And there are already paradoxes that need resolving.”
“Great. Let me slip my shoes back on and I’ll follow you downstairs.”
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Ms. aniN seems like the kind of person who might have a question or two for her interviewer before she accepts the job.
For example, she might ask something like, “Garble garble ickle boo? Explain your answer.”
You are quite right. I plan on incorporating that little bit of her personality as I go through the rewrite of STSM.
How cool – so do you plan to convert this into a book at some stage?
Well, the character Nina aniN certainly shows up in a novel I’m working on. Though I certainly have no plans to write a novel all in dialog; that would be maddening for me as a writer and for anyone else as a reader.
Or do you mean my Story of the Week project? At some point I do plan to take the ones that are salvageable and do something with them. Not entirely sure what yet.