TERRIBLE TALES FOR TINY TROLLS – SMASHERELLA

©2009 by Richard S. Crawford

about 1,200 words

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Once upon a time, Bethelda, the Troll King’s Daughter, was playing happily in the big forest, throwing big rocks into the air and then smacking them with trees that she pulled up from the ground, then smashing everything that she could find because it was fun to do, when she heard a wonderful sound from one of the nearby ugly houses that people lived in. The sound filled Bethelda with so much joy that she simply had to go to the house to find out what it was. The door of the big house was closed and locked but that was no problem for Bethelda. She simply smashed her way through it and went inside.

“Who are you?” cried out a voice.

Bethelda looked around, and then she saw a human girl standing in front of a staircase. The human girl was so ugly that Bethelda was sure she would have nightmares for weeks, all golden haired and smooth skinned. Her disgustingly small eyes were leaking some sort of water, and as she looked at Bethelda, she sniffed, and then made more of that wonderful noise.

“I’m Bethelda,” Bethelda said, “the Troll King’s Daughter. What is that sound you’re making?”

The ugly girl sniffed again. “My name is Cinderella,” she said, “and I’m crying because my wicked stepmother and my two ugly stepsisters went to the Prince’s ball and left me behind. They said I couldn’t go because I’m just too plain.”

Bethelda hated to think what this bestial thing would consider ugly, but in a way she almost felt sorry for her. She thought for a few moments, and then said, “Well, maybe I can help!”

“Really?” the ugly girl asked. “Are you my fairy godmother?”

Bethelda had no idea what that meant, so she shrugged and said, “Sure, why not?”

The ugly girl jumped up and down and clapped her hands repeatedly and made a horrible, horrible noise. “Okay! Well, first I need to have a nice pretty dress. Do you know where I can find one for you?”

Bethelda nodded. She had lots of pretty dresses at home, and she would be happy to loan it to the ugly girl. “I’ll be right back with one!” she said. She ran back to her house, which wasn’t very far, and picked out her second prettiest dress. It was made of spiderwebs and branches and leaves and a few dead bugs. Smiling proudly she ran back to the house that the ugly girl lived in and gave it to her.

The ugly girl took the dress and looked at it. “Well, it certainly is unique.”

“Don’t you like it?” Bethelda asked. “It’s my second prettiest dress.”

“Well, I suppose it will do.” said the ugly girl. “And I’ll certainly be the only girl at the ball wearing something like this. The prince is bound to notice me when I wear this, at least. Now, as for shoes.”

“Shoes?” asked Bethelda, who had never heard of such things.

“Yes, shoes. You know, for my feet? Oh, I would adore some slippers made of glass. Completely impractical, of course, but oh so pretty. All of the pretty princesses are wearing glass slippers these days and I do so want to be a pretty princess. Can you help?”

Bethelda had never heard of ever putting anything on your feet. The whole idea seemed very silly. But if the ugly girl wanted some glass things on her feet, she supposed she could help out. She wasn’t entirely sure was glass was, but it sounded a lot like grass, and Bethelda was very good at working with grass. “I can help you!” she said. “I’ll be right back.” She bounded off, ran to a nearby meadow and picked a whole bunch of grass. Then she wove the grass into two small baskets which she thought would fit on the ugly girl’s very ugly and impractically tiny feet. She ran back to the ugly girl and handed them over very proudly. “Look! Grass slippers for your feet!”

The ugly girl took the little grass baskets and made a face while she looked at them, a face which Bethelda thought made her much prettier. “Well,” she said after a moment, “I guess they will at least keep my feet warm and it will be better than going barefoot. I do wish you could have found some glass slippers for me, though.”

Bethelda’s feelings were hurt that the ugly girl didn’t like the slippers she’d made, but she didn’t say anything. “So what do you need now?”

“Well, all I need is a way to get to the ball at the prince’s castle. I saw some lovely pumpkins in the neighbor’s garden that I think would make some lovely coaches. Could you help me out?”

“Sure!” said Bethelda, who thought that the idea of riding inside a pumpkin sounded delightful. She ran over to the neighbor’s garden, and found the biggest pumpkin she could find. It was nearly as big as she was. She ripped off the top of the pumpkin, and scooped all of the gunk from inside. Then she made some wheels out of smaller pumpkins and attached them to the pumpkin coach with some long branches from a tree. She rolled the giant pumpkin coach back to the ugly girl’s house.

“Look!” she said. “I made you a coach out of a pumpkin!”

“Oh, ew!’ the ugly girl said. She was already wearing Bethelda’s second prettiest dress and the grass slippers. “That isn’t what I meant at all. I can’t possibly go to the ball in that! I’ll get all slimy.”

By now, as you can imagine, Bethelda was fed up with the ugly girl, who obviously thought she was some kind of special troll princess or something. “Well, I can help you get to the ball much faster,” she said. “Where is the castle?”

The ugly girl pointed toward the north. “Over that way, about three miles. Oh, do you think you can help me?”

“Oh, sure!” Bethelda said. With that, she lifted up the ugly girl, lifted her screaming and flailing over her head, and then tossed her in the direction that she had said the castle was.

And as the ugly girl flew through the air to the prince’s ball, Bethelda happily smashed the house, then went and smashed the neighbor’s house because smashing houses is so much fun. Then she went back to the meadow and made some more grass slippers for herself. If that’s what all the pretty princesses were wearing, then she ought to have a pair for herself. She was, after all, the prettiest princess in all the world.