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Once upon a time, a little girl in a red outfit trespassed in the Troll King’s forest, ostensibly on her way to her grandmother’s house to bring her a basket of bread and wine and other foodstuffs. Wexford, the Troll King, sent his daughter Bethelda to intercept the intruder and demand tribute and retribution.

Bethelda encountered a wolf who was also hunting down the little girl, but the wolf has no interest for us.
Bethelda found the little girl on the path and jumped in front of her. “Who do you think you are, trespassing in our forest like this?” she demanded.

The little girl did not answer Bethelda right away. Instead, she stuck out her tongue, stuck her left thumb on her nose and wiggled her fingers at the Troll King’s daughter. “I’m Little Red Riding Hood,” she announced, “and I don’t answer to anyone, let alone an ugly troll like you!”

Bethelda was quite pleased by the respectful manner in which Little Red Riding Hood had addressed her. “Where did you learn your manners, girl?”

“From my grandmother. And I’m not talking to you anymore you bitch.” With that, Little Red Riding Hood stomped hard on Bethelda’s foot and ran away.

Bethelda was once again charmed by the young girl’s manners, and by her invitation to a game of tag. Perhaps, Bethelda thought, this little girl wasn’t so reprehensible after all. She chased Little Red Riding Hood down the path, through the forest, up and down hills, across the river, to one of the horrid structures that the humans build out of dead trees.

“Grandma! Grandma!” the little girl cried as she pounded on the door. “There’s a monster chasing me!”

Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother opened the door and saw Bethelda standing on the doorstep. “Good heavens,” she said. “What a terrible troll!”

Bethelda growled and jumped up and down, which is the proper way for a troll to greet someone who has just paid you a compliment.

But Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother didn’t understand the proper way of doing things. “I mean, look at the lovely troll! So beautiful and comely! Now come along, Little Red Riding Hood, let’s go inside.”

Infuriated by the old woman’s insults, Bethelda grabbed her and ate her up in one great big gulp. And because the little girl was screaming and making obnoxious noises, Bethelda ate her too.

In the end, though, it was the wolf who suffered the most, because he got nothing to eat.